Talking Bridge
....
Things
I wish people wouldnt do 
- Arrive
late, or at the last minute, and then promptly adjourn to
the bar.
- Mill
around at the start refusing to sit down, thus
frustrating the Directors attempts to get the
movement organised.
- Ask for
the umpteenth time, "How many do we add?",
having not bothered to concentrate on the Director's
opening announcements.
- Arrive
at a table discussing a previous hand with their partner
rather than saying "Good evening" to the new
opponents. Most people (including me) have done this in
thoughtless moments, but some dont even seem to
realise what bad manners it is.
- Tap the
table instead of producing a pass card. This action usually
means that the player doesnt expect another bid,
which can sometimes be useful (and unauthorised)
information for partner when the bidding unexpectedly
continues.
- Put
bidding cards away before the opening lead is faced (see
Bidding Box Procedures in this series).
- Have a
card detached, ready to play, before it is his turn (see
Law 74.B.3). The fact that he doesn't have a
problem might be very significant to a partner trying to
work out who has what.
- Tell
the defenders, "It doesn't matter what you do",
without actually making a claim. If he isn't confident
enough to table his cards, why should he expect the
defenders to trust him and stop thinking? In fact, if
this "half-claim" causes the defence to misplay
the hand they probably have redress, but it's still an
irritating thing to do.
- Write
illegibly on the travellers (or not at all in some cases!).
Making phone calls the following day to establish what
happened can be very tiresome.
- Whilst
we're on the subject of irritating, shouldn't-have-to-happen,
next-day phone calls, when somebody sees an obvious
mistake on the traveller, I do wish he'd draw the
Director's attention to it, rather than marking the
traveller with a question mark. That way, there's a
chance of sorting out what really happened
before the offenders have gone home.
- Insist
on reading out previous results on the traveller to the
other players at his table (cant they read?) in a
voice that can be heard the other side of the room.
- Ignore
North when being proffered the traveller for checking (too
busy discussing the play), wait until the traveller has
been returned to the board and then ask to see it. Come
to that, its not a bad idea to agree how many
tricks have been made before getting too involved
in the post-mortem!
- Stuff
the traveller back in the board in such a way that a pair
of tweezers is required to extricate it!
- Chorus
"Its not our fault", when the Director
points out that the table is running late. He probably
knows perfectly well whose fault it is, but he still
needs all four players to get a move on.
- Sit
chatting after the move has been called, and justify this
by saying "Weve nowhere to go, our next
opponents are still playing". Their seats, of
course, still need to be vacated for the pair following.
Email
us with your opinion:
brambledown@blueyonder.co.uk


























